I realize I'm airing a little laundry by posting this but someday Sydney will come to me and say "Mom, why didn't you tell me girls were sooo hard? I wasn't this bad." And I will reply, "oh sydney dear, YES YOU WERE. Do you want proof? Bust open mom's blog book and check it out. "
In what seems to be a never ending stream of tantrums, day after day, I am still praying there is hope at the end of this 18+ year tunnel. Please don't take my next comments to mean anything harsh. I LOVE my daughter with all I have. She is smart, talented, gorgeous and soo much more. But OUR relationship, the mother/daughter thing, is strained. Every day is like going to war starting at 6:00am and ending at the latest 8:00pm. That is, if she didn't get sent to bed early, which usually is the case. I know this is the nature of mothers and daughters, I can remember battling my mom, but was it this bad. I asked my mom, she said Sydney is hard.
EVERY LITTLE THING, is a battle. What I put in her lunch, the clothes she wears, (down to the kind of socks I bought her), homework and snacks when she gets home, play time, clean the room time, reading time, dinner time. I am lost for how to deal. I am trying ever so hard to keep my cool, not explode, but sometimes the anger boils over and I do explode. It never helps the situation and I don't feel better, but I don't know where to channel it. We've tried reward charts, date nights, (here's an example of how that goes, "mom, i want to go see the HSM3 movie, can we go this weekend?" "ok, syd keep your room cleaned up until the weekend and we'll go." screaming in hysterics "that's toooo hard, why do you make everything soooo hard? I guess I won't ever get to see HSM3!" "ok, if you say so.")
Yes I am having a pity party here, but I also am journaling this so Sydney does realize she isn't the only one. Someday she will look back and say "mom, I'm sorry i was soo rotten, I totally get it."
And when that day comes, I will say to her "it was all totally worth every terrible minute" because it is. I gripe and complain and lose it sometimes, but my life if full and blessed. I am blessed to have Sydney as my daughter. She has taught me some amazing life lessons. There was a reason she came first. And someday soon I will write about the testimony building things she has taught me. Until then I will try to stay calm and remember she's all mine.
3 comments:
Everytime we talk about how the girls are I feel better. Kaleigh is EXACTLY the same, but you know that. I feel like reposting this on my blog but switching the name. She has been so hard lately. Whe actually had a good day yesterday (which never happens) and I remembered "yes, I do love you?" I was hard, but not like them. I think we spoiled them tooooo much. You know it's our fault.
I am so right there with you. I told Matt last week, "you know...helping your daughter get ready for a dance is supposed to be FUN! It's one of those things you look forward to as a mother." Guess what? It WASN'T fun. I think oldest daughters just think they can dump all their crap on you for some reason. But oh, how we love them!
I am so glad I'm not the only one going through this with my soon to be 4yr old going on 15! She is a nightmare sometimes....lots of the time! The talking back, the stomping her feet, the pouting, the everything you posted about sydney! So I guess it doesn't get better as she gets older then huh?! I am always telling my husband that her and I are NOT going to be friends when shes a teenager! If you get some good advice....PLEASE pass it along!
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